51 Ways to Get to the Bottom of Search Results!
September 4, 2008
If you search most blogs, forums, or just about anywhere talking about how to make your site rank better, they all try to tell you How to Get to the Top of Search Engines! I mean, how many times do we need to read the same things over and over again? Google itself, have allowed Matt Cutts to help us with that in straight forward English!
I got tired of reading all the same stuff, so I thought I would share a whole new concept in search engine ranking strategies…
image courtesy of: http://affordablehousinginstitute.org/blogs/us/2007/04/month_in_review_14.html
51 Ways to Get to the Bottom of Google Search Results!
If you doubt these methods… go ahead and try them out! If you REAL GOOD, you may even get dropped from the index all together! Don’t forget to change your Google search preferences to show 100 pages a time though, you will need to click the arrow a few times!
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Blog About Different ways to Game the Serp’s!
When you blog about your sure-fire methods, make SURE you list some of the sites you currently hold top positions for, this will help Google weed them out much faster, and move them to the bottom of the serps!
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Link ALL Of Your Websites Together with 3-Way Links!
Now that you have told Google where to find one of your well-ranked sites, start linking to other sites in your network as well! Never link 2 of them together directly though, that’s a bit too clean!
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Place a Strong Focus on Creating Duplicate Content!
Heck, you can copy this page if you want to! After you copy it and post it on your site, you don’t even need to link back to me! Once its up and running, go to step 4!
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Submit your Main Page Only to 15,000 Link Farms!
By far, one of the BEST ways to get OFF Page 1 in serp’s, is to spread your same homepage link and same homepage anchor textto thousands of link farms! If you do it right and get into the ones with porn, viagra, and free ringtone offers, you may even get there faster!
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Do ALL Your Link Building in the First 90 Days
Sandbox… Shmandbox! Create as many link requests as possible and use an automated program to request and manage ALL of your links on your site! If you can get just 500 links per month for the first 90 days, you will almost guarantee your spot in the bottom of the serps!
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Color your Header text the same as your Header Background!
BONUS Points with this method if you can color the text in your footer the same also! Search engines love this practice and they agree there is no reason to have that ugly text covering up that pretty logo!
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Never - Ever Treat Each Page as if it were a One Page Website!
Search Engines absolutely hate it when you properly design each page to focus on one or two specific topics! Keep your pages very broad and ramble on if needed! I mean, why should a page have less than 1-2 topics anyhow right?
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Stuff as Many Non-Related Keywords as Possible into the Meta tags!
The meta title, since it is the most important, forget about that stupid rule of 66-68 characters, stuff it with hundreds of irrelevant words! Even better, is when you use the same word over and over again! The Keyword meta-tag, while losing much of its luster is still a great place to use the 26 target phrases you have designed this single page for! List not only the 26 phrases, but ever single variation, in as many languages that babelfish will do for you!
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When All else Fails, Start Cloaking!
I mean, if your just get completely tired of ranking well, screw everyone! Keep showing the search engines that wonderfully ranked page, but when human visitors come… send them somewhere else! This will surely get some attention!
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Take as Many Shortcuts as Possible when Developing your Site!
Revisit 2, 3, 4, 5 and 8, to get better ideas on how to get your site developed as quickly as possible! Keep in mind, The Sooner your get it Done - the Sooner you can get to the Bottom of Search Results!
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Don’t EVER Update your Website with Unique Content on a Regular Basis!
Last but not least, I cannot stress this one enough! The more you update your site with your own unique content, the faster and longer you are going to be stuck ranking well! Who wants that?!
And Now a Quick Summary…
Aren’t you just tired of working on your sites to rank better in the engines? If you follow the 11 steps above, not even in any particular order, you are sure to cure your problems in no time at all!
Many of you will wonder how in the world 11 items adds up to 51 Ways to Get to the Bottom of Search Results, well, I’m hoping you will all help me complete the other 40!
First - Add at least 1 method you have tried and learned from!
Second- Once you post your comment, blog about it, Digg it, Bookmark it, basically… Spread the word about it! Extra bonus if you comment about it on other popular blogs also!
Don’t forget - by the time this message posts, I am going to be on the “Liquid Assets” Charter Boat in the middle of the Atlantic, searching for a blue or tuna! So please be patient if your post does not appear immediately!
How else can your get a Site to the Bottom of SERP’s or even completely Deindexed?
Comments
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Buy an info domain name. Why pay more for a dot com? It’s all information after all.
Use a really long domain name with your keywords. botsnounderstandhiphopenglishanyways.info
Only use the default template. Don’t waste your time with purdy graphics because SEs can’t see it.
Be sure to include all the ebay categories per site to cover the whole marketplace.
Fill every available space with advertising. A confused visitor will click on anything just to leave.
Scrub, hose, hang out to dry, repeat several hundred times.
Submit your own site as spam to Google.
http://www.google.com/contact/spamreport.html
In the details section, make it clear that it’s your own site, and give an e-mail address from the domain itself if they need proof.
Mark: Great and humorous post.
Here is another reason for the list:
Reason 12: Be SURE to leave your BANS sites completely un customized and generic… You want it to look and feel like all 100,000 other sites targeting your exact keywords, so you can all languish in failure together!
Hahaha.. After I stop laughing I’ll put some thought in a try to contribute a few of my own :)
How about a variation of #3 (call it #3a) - once you’ve set up your site, duplicate the whole thing to another domain and submit both to Google. I did this a few years ago and couldn’t understand why one disappeared from G. Live and learn :)
ROLF & OMG that was hilarious . . and very well written!
Hey !
Where were you a few months ago when I stupidly did #6. (smile). I’m still trying to get indexed again by “G”. I thought I was supposed to put my title there, and I already had a logo there. Didn’t know any better.
I was told about two weeks ago it would take several weeks for them to review my site again after I fixed it. Longest several wks ever!
Taking any and all advice.
Hilarious! #6 is my specialty. I never knew that trying to beautify my site was a no-no. Now I’m trying to find all the headers I did that to and fix them… :-/
You forgot…
Create a bunch of crappy BANS sites on .info domains and put Google ads on them.
Alice….you just want to remove them altogether rather than blend with the background.
Google looks for keyword stuffers who change the fonts of keywords to be the same color as the background in order to make it look very keyword rich to Google.
Changing your header font alone probably wouldn’t get you busted as I would imagine that Google probably has a lower threshold before the penalty kicks in but it’s something that you have need to take a risk on.
Remove the title altogether rather than blend it.
You mean we have to build links even after the 90 day mark? That sounds like work. HAHA!
Never heard of anyone explaining it this way. Very funny!